Women’s Sexual Health Book Review: You Are Not Broken by Dr. Kelly Casperson
Sexual health is a big part of mental health, yet women’s sexual health in particular often gets overlooked by the medical establishment. Consider the timeline. Viagra and other erectile dysfunction medications have been on the market for over 25 years. Addyi (flibanserin) and Vyleesi (bremelanotide), the medications approved for low sexual desire in women, only became available much more recently, and they are often still not covered by insurance. That gap says a lot about how much attention this topic has gotten.
So when a book comes along that takes women’s sexual health seriously, without shame, I want to share it. You Are Not Broken by Dr. Kelly Casperson is one I’m happy to recommend.
About the author
Dr. Kelly Casperson is a board-certified urologist and sex educator, and a Menopause Society-certified clinician. She is also the host of the You Are Not Broken podcast and the author of a second book, The Menopause Moment. Her focus on women’s sexual health and menopause is unusual in urology, and it shows in how well she explains these topics.
Why I like this book
It covers a wide range of women’s sexual health topics, and it works to reduce the stigma around having a lower sex drive. Many women come to this topic believing something is wrong with them. This book gently challenges that idea.
What’s inside
Part One: It Is Not Your Fault. This section looks at how society has often suppressed women’s actual sexual needs, and how women can absorb unhelpful ideas and habits about sex along the way. It’s a good reminder that many of our beliefs were learned, not chosen.
Part Two: Sex-Positive Sex Ed for Adults. This part explains how sex works for women, including hormones, desire, and physiology. It’s probably the driest section of the book, but it’s an important read if you want to understand your body and have better orgasms.
Part Three: Is It Actually Low Desire or Something Else Entirely? This was my favorite section. Dr. Casperson explains that women’s desire can look different from men’s. She describes spontaneous desire, which shows up out of the blue, and responsive desire, which often develops after intimacy begins and is very common in long-term committed relationships. If you’ve ever wondered why you don’t feel “in the mood” until things are already underway, this can be a real relief.
She also introduces the idea of brakes and accelerators: some things increase our desire (accelerators) and others dampen it (brakes). Understanding which is which for you can be eye-opening.
The part I find most empowering
The book offers actionable steps, and I find this the most interesting part because it shows how much is within your control:
Making time for intimacy
Appreciating your partner
Figuring out what helps you get aroused
Allowing yourself to have pleasure
Learning how to increase motivation for pleasure
Dr. Casperson also discusses how menopause can affect sexual health, and she talks about potential medications that may help. This is an important topic that doesn’t get enough airtime, and it’s worth bringing up with your healthcare provider.
Resources
Throughout the book, Dr. Casperson includes references and places to learn more. I’ve found the Rosy app an especially helpful resource for women’s health. The topics in the app include education about sexuality, menopause, migraines, and breast cancer.
Final thoughts
This is a great book that explains women’s sexuality and how to improve sexual function in a non-shaming way. If you’ve ever felt like something is wrong with you, this book makes the case that nothing is. And if sexual concerns are affecting your well-being or your relationship, please bring them up with your healthcare provider. This is a very common concern, and help is available. Her website has more information about her book and other resources including her podcast.
