Menla Retreat - Going to Pieces Without Falling Apart: The Best of Buddhism & Psychotherapy with Mark Epstein, MD and Robert Thurman, PhD

This summer, I had the opportunity to attend a retreat in the Catskill Mountains at Menla. The gathering brought together Dr. Mark Epstein, a renowned psychotherapist, psychiatrist, and author, and Dr. Robert Thurman, a world-class Buddhist scholar and retired professor. Their conversation wasn’t just a talk; it was an exploration of how ancient Buddhist wisdom and modern psychological thought can illuminate each other and guide us toward a deeper understanding of ourselves.

For me, someone who has followed Dr. Epstein’s work for years, listening to him in person was a true privilege. The discussion was a rich tapestry woven from diverse threads—readings from psychoanalytic giants like Kernberg, Reich, Winnicott, and Freud, poetic verse, physics principles, and even passages from a children's book. They seamlessly connected these seemingly disparate sources to timeless Buddhist principles, revealing how they all point to similar truths about the human condition.

One of the central themes was the idea that we often have self-imposed mechanisms that inhibit us from finding ourselves. These are mental habits or beliefs we've developed that keep us from truly exploring our inner world. The retreat offered a stark contrast to this, encouraging a dismantling of those restrictions.

Another powerful concept was the dialectic of significance and insignificance. In the grand scheme of the universe, our individual lives may seem to matter very little. Yet, from a relative perspective, the things we do, the relationships we build, and the moments we experience hold immense, irreplaceable value. This paradox wasn’t presented as a contradiction but as a way of holding two truths at once—a core principle of non-duality and interconnectedness.

The parallels between Buddhist and psychoanalytic thought were particularly striking. The Buddhist Three Marks of Existence—impermanence (Anicca), suffering (Dukkha), and non-self (Anatta)—were discussed as direct counterparts to the psychoanalytic concepts of grief, loss, emptiness, and our inherent lack of control. Rather than being pessimistic, this perspective felt liberating. By acknowledging these truths, we can begin to accept them rather than fighting against them.

The retreat wasn’t just about intellectual discussion. A part of the weekend was dedicated to practice. We explored various meditation styles, including Vipassana (insight meditation) and the seven-point cause and effect instruction. The experience made it clear that observing the contents of your mind without attachment is far easier to talk about than it is to do.

For a therapist like myself, one of the most resonant ideas was how meditation can help us be more present and open with our patients. As we learn to sit with our own suffering, we build the capacity to hold a space for others to do the same. We can model a quiet acceptance of what is, without judgment or the need to fix it. By creating an environment for openness and perspective, change and healing are given the soil to grow.

Beyond the formal sessions, the retreat center itself was a sanctuary. We were surrounded by the beauty of the Catskills and had the chance to connect with others through activities like yoga, qi gong, and hiking. The simple, vegetarian meals and the peaceful atmosphere were the perfect complement to the deep thought that we were absorbing.

The weekend was a powerful and much-needed reset for my mind and spirit. It's an experience that will take a long time to fully digest. I left with a renewed appreciation for the profound insights that emerge when these two powerful traditions—Buddhism and psychotherapy—come together. I plan to reread Dr. Epstein’s books and to read some of Dr. Thurman’s books soon. I also hope to return to Menla to continue this journey of learning and reflection. If you have an interest in these topics, I highly recommend exploring the works of Dr. Epstein and Dr. Thurman.