Parenting - I am not perfect but I try my best

I got rid of my Instagram account recently for a lot of different reasons, here is a post I created earlier this month and wanted to share:

This morning, my kids refused to eat their breakfast. They started whining, and I snapped. Growing up, I had to eat whatever my parents served, no questions asked.

I ended up really angry at my kids and started thinking, “My kids are ungrateful brats.” I ended up yelling at them, which only made things worse. We all felt terrible—I felt embarrassed and out of control, and my kids felt unheard and unloved.

What did I learn and what can I do next time?

-My job as a parent is to be the leader. If I lose my cool, how can I expect them to not lose theirs? I cannot expect them to be more mature than me. Yelling never works. Period. They won’t listen to me if I yell; they’ll start fighting me or they will agree in order to pacify me and feel scared of me.

-When I have these kinds of angry thoughts and start sounding like my parents, I have to take accountability for them. I do not have to repeat old patterns. Label the thought, get grounded, and think creatively about the solution.

-School just started, and we are on different schedules. I need to give myself and my kids more time in the morning.

-Choose your battles. The yogurt we gave our kids this morning was very sour. It’s okay that they said they did not like it. Planning a healthy breakfast the night before will make it easier for all of us.

-My kids should not always have a choice, and they do have to accept consequences. Today, we let them know that they will not be getting a cookie in their lunches because they didn not have breakfast. That is a reasonable consequence.

-When they get home, I will talk to them about what happened. That will include an apology from me for yelling. It will also include a discussion about what is reasonable for breakfast, and we will write it out on the whiteboard so they know what to expect.

Here are some books that I recommend for Anger and Parenting:

How to Stop Losing Your Sh*t with Your Kids by Carla Naumburg, PhD

Yell Less, Love More by Sheila McCraith (A mother of four boys)

I am not the best parent, but I am doing the best I can. Being honest about our regrets and parenting behaviors we are ashamed of can help us become better caretakers and remove the stigma of making parenting mistakes. I hope this post helps other parents and caregivers.